im His favorite.

Late night go-to snack.

2012-01-30T01:21:00.001-08:00

I used to love eating cereal at night but recently the mr introduced me to peanut butter and blueberry yogurt for a late night. We watch friends reruns/tv and eat this concoction of yummy goodness.

What's your late night go-to snack.

Goodbye Nala.

2012-01-28T18:06:00.001-08:00

I still remember when i first got you. http://www.ricianne.com/2010/04/41810-meet-nala.html

You were such a good car to me. Be good to your next owners okay?

Favorite Disney Character.

2012-01-25T20:21:00.001-08:00

Words of wisdom from My favorite Disney character: Edna Mode :) for a little lady (or a shim) she has so much spunk and so much attitude and sass :) I like her (him) a lot!

"I never look back, dahling. It distracts from the now"
"Yes, words are useless. Gobble, gobble, gobble. There is too much of it, darling. Too much. That is why I show you my work! That is why you are here!"
"well I'm sure I don't know darling; luck favors the prepared... So I covered the basics"
"no capes"
"my God you've gotten fat"
"supermodels - ha! Nothing super about them. Spoiled, stupid little stick figures with poofy lips who think only about themselves. Feh! I used to design for gods!!!
"you can't! It's impossible. I'm far too busy, so ask me now before I again become sane.

And my favorite quote:

"what are you talking about? You are elastigirl! My god, pull yourself together!!! What will you do?? Is...is...is this a question? You will show him that you remember that he is mr. Incredible! And you will remind him who you are! Well you know where he is... go! Confront the problem! Fight! Win! And call me when you get back dahling, I enjoy your visits"

Who is your favorite Disney character?

Massage and friends.

2012-01-23T23:26:00.000-08:00

John is on the floor. He wants a massage coz his back hurts. Guess he's pretty lucky I'm a certified masseuse.

And im pretty lucky that he likes watching FRIENDS with me and laughs at all the stupid things I laugh at.

Fair trade I guess ;)

It's a boy and his name is kenzo.

2012-01-22T00:17:00.001-08:00

Visited my friends Tim and Blanca and their new baby boy Kenzo.

Family date night. Feed 3 for less than $10 & u might get a massage if you're lucky

2012-01-20T20:36:00.001-08:00

Where can u get a meal for 3 people and get dessert for less than $10?!? Where else but costco :)))

Plus u can get samples galore inside and if you are lucky and all the massage chairs are plugged in... You can even get a free massage :) and you can walk off all the calories you ate.

Costco.. The place to be on a Friday night ;)

Bad hair day.

2012-01-19T23:13:00.001-08:00

Hi! My name is Bambam. I am a shih-tzu. Or atleast I'm supposed to be a shih-tzu. Instead I look like a mutt. I see pics of other shih-tzu's on the web and I say to myself "wow look at all that hair" then I look in the mirror and I see what my master has done to me... And I get all depressed.

She absolutely has no clue how to cut my hair... but she tries anyway coz she's trying to save some money. I don't really like that dave ramsey guy very much!! He needs to stay out of my business. I say she needs to get me to the groomers STAT. My beard isn't even the same size. How embarrassing to my line of breed. She treats me like I'm some mongrel! Siiiigh.

I guess she's feeling the whole short hair / bald thing... Coz the guy she married... He's nice and all but well... his hair seems to be thinning out too (don't tell her i said that). And my master gets her son buzzed cut and he gets lined up each time he gets a haircut. I'm guessing she thinks it's a good look or something.

I say she's crazy. I also say she's jealous that if she grows my hair long, my hair will look prettier than her split-ended, dry hair. But it's okay coz I love her anyway. She feeds me good food and she rescued me from the street and gave me a bed and a warm home and she gives pretty good hugs so I guess me not having pretty hair is a fair trade for all she's done.

I still think she's secretly jealous of my hair ;) I wonder what she'll do to me if I buzz her hair. The thought is very tempting! *evil smile*

That's it for now.

Xoxo - Bambam

Acting my "wage" & now teaching my husband to do the same.

2012-01-17T22:22:00.000-08:00

My sister at coming the end of this month with her baby. I saw this sun shade for $20 and immediately thought to myself "i want one and the baby needs it! why should I borrow a shade if I can have one myself for $20?" I really wanted to buy it. But I stopped and asked myself "do I really need it now?" and the answer was no. So I walked away from the tent. At first i was sad but then i ended up smiling at myself coz I had once again mastered the art of "acting my wage".

As long as i've been a single mom (11 years now), I've lived an extremely frugal life style. A single income (of about $1200 a month) with 2 people to feed meant learning to pinch your pennies and saying NO to yourself (and your child) when you want to buy certain things, because I couldn't afford it at all. But I also learned to say no because I found out about Dave Ramsey and i was very determined to "act my wage" and "give every dollar a name" and it all went to food, shelter, christian's needs and getting out of debt.

Even Christian started listening to Dave Ramsey Jr. And he learned to use his money wisely, to give to tithes and offerings and save up. For someone who doesn't get any allowance, he's saved up $500 of his own money for his college fund! That's a big chunk of savings from someone who doesn't even get allowance since he's homeschooled.

There was no dollar that didn't have a name or an allocation. Each dollar went into an "envelope". Because of that I was able to live off of $1200 a month paying rent, food, and all our needs. But I never had enough to save.

So when I left my comfort zone and ventured into ministry and raising support... it also meant an unstable amount of income coming in on a monthly basis. (On some months like this month - I only have about $1000...On other months I have $1500). Every month is an adventure :) and because it's not a fixed income, I still live the life of pinching pennies and saving and saying NO to buying unnecessary things.... But now with a lil bit of extra money, I used that to save up for an "emergency fund". And I was able to save my first $1000 emergency fund and even add to that.

Then, i got married and I thought things would change a bit.... I thought i'd be able to buy more things and actually splurge a lil bit more since it's now a two income household. BUT i realized that i cannot shake off the lifestyle I live to give every dollar a name....

Sooooo I introduced my then boyfriend to Dave Ramsey and Financial Peace University. I told him if he ever wanted to marry me, he had to listen to the cd's first. And now he's hooked. :))))))

I told him we were not going to get married with debt on our heads. He wanted to give me the world and the wedding of my dreams (because he loves to shower people he loves with gifts), but i wanted him to learn about financial peace. So we decided to have a small wedding here in hawaii. We had enough money saved up so we could both pay for all expenses in cash. The dress and alteration paid for in cash. The rings were paid for in cash. The food was paid for in cash. And we had to say NO to inviting more people because we had to stick with our budget. The wedding was simple yet beautiful, meaningful and fun and God's presence was definitely felt...and it was all within our budget.

Now that we have another wedding in LA to save up for, we are once again pinching pennies to pay for the whole thing in cash. It means making a choice to inviting only family and really close friends (even if I want to invite the world), having the wedding at a backyard instead of some grand hotel with an ocean view and finding way and ideas to get creative but not spend a fortune.

We are now also working on our envelope system, our budget, how to give, how to live on cash, to stop splurging on unnecessary expenses (ex: learning to eat at home instead of outside... brewing your own coffee instead of buying at starbucks) and we are going to try our hardest to save for an emergency fund, life insurance, retirement, etc and fight our way to get out of debt.

Because just like Dave Ramsey says: "We desire to live like no one else, so tomorrow we can live like no one else."

If u want to live in financial peace and start acting your wage....Let me introduce you to "Dave Ramsey". :)

You can take the kid out of LA.

2012-01-16T23:34:00.001-08:00

You can take the kid out of LA but you can't take LA out of the kid. Purple and gold and sunday whites on his bedroom wall :) Coz he loves him some basketball. And he loves him some lakers.

sundays look like

2012-01-15T23:11:00.001-08:00

Our 3rd Sunday schedule usually look like this:

- Get ready an load up the truck for setup for Sunday service.

- set up the room

- buy breakfast/coffee for the church

- have Sunday worship service.

- Take down chairs/tables/etc

- unload the truck.

- Do Costco runs for food for meeting.

- have our once a month Leadership meetings

- Have our Sunday dinner with the leaders of the church.

This is how we do church on Sundays.

It's very different from what i was used to in LA because we had our own building and our own space there with about 300 members..... But i remember when the church in LA didnt even have 100 people and it was fun to see the church grow and be a part of its growth in some way.

Right now, our church in hawaii is a mobile church and we have an average of 35 people....it's a very different dynamic from what I'm used to but I'm so thankful God called me to be a part of this spiritual family! God has great things in store for this church...after all He wouldn't send His favorite all the way here just to get married alone (although what a wonderful surprise that was) ;)

I know God definitely has got something up His sleeve and I am excited and expectant to see what God can do. Coz if God can put a thousand in flight with one person, now that we got 2 people in full time staff... We can definitely put 10,000 to flight.

And if I was able to see God move the church and triple it's size in LA then I know He can do the same here... Coz He is the same God yesterday, today and forever.

We are definitely believing for our church to grow in size by this year. Please be praying for us and with us to see His praises proclaimed in the islands and for Him to use our church to be part of His voice to proclaim His praises. (Isaiah 42)

more than my flesh.

2012-01-13T23:55:00.000-08:00

tea at Starbucks, a pen, my bible, my mr. and my journal. Taking the time to listen and hear God's heart for this new season while waiting for the kiddo (who's at his youth group) fills my heart and my soul.

Day 6 of die to self 2012. There's nothing like hearing God's promises and reading His word. There's nothing like telling your body that you need the Word more than food. It feels good to prove to your body that you are more than your hunger & desires and the Spirit man is stronger than the flesh.

So thankful for The Word & His Spirit that brings fuel to my soul and grants me the strength to move in His grace.

My #1 ministry.

2012-01-12T22:55:00.001-08:00

Because my greatest calling & my number one ministry, next to worshiping God, is to be the wife and mother God has called and made me to be. And I take much pride in that call, but i also am humbled that God would call me to support another person with my heart and raise up a next generation world changer. I don't take this calling lightly. That is why I've fought to homeschool my child, even if it was hard to do so as a single mother, because I believe Christian was my first priority (over my dreams, over my job, over my ambition, over other people). And now I feel that same way about my husband.

You see, my husband and i grew up in a divorced homes and we would never wish that pain we felt on any child or any couple. My son grew up fatherless for 11 years and I raised him as a single parent and I would never wish that on anyone as well.

So my desire is to study up on what it means to be a wife and continue to study about being a parent and glean wisdom & knowledge from others who have much more knowledge than I, on what marriage & parenting really means. From reading books & blogs, to receiving counsel & hearing advice of to those who have been married for some time, to attending workshops and to asking the elderly what they think their greatest mistakes were when they raised their kids so I don't repeat other's folly. And my heart is to be able to share that same knowledge to others and counsel others who have an open heart to hear it.

Because if every wife/husband/parent put as much effort learning to be a better wife/husband/parent the same way they put effort in learning what they did in school (or work)... I believe the world will be a much better place.

"Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered. (Proverbs 28:26 ESV)"

day 6: die to self 2012

Coffee equals.

2012-01-11T09:49:00.000-08:00

Coffee = love.

I love coffee. It's my choice of poison. I don't drink soda, I hardly drink beer (or any liquor)... and I seldom drink juice. The only other drink that can compare to coffee for me would be a iced black tea with a splash of lemonade :)

What's your choice of poison?

One of my favoritest views.

2012-01-09T12:29:00.000-08:00

One of my favoritest views here in the island = The view from the h3 right after the tunnel driving into kailua/kaneohe.

I went to that side of the island and drove to visit grandpa & grandma c today just to say hello since it was my day off. It was nice to spend time with them and glean wisdom from the experiences they have as a married couple. (they have been together for over 59years going on 60 this June).

Scenic views + spending time with new family + gleaning wisdom. What more can I ask for to do on my sabbath? :)

amazed.

2012-01-08T01:54:00.001-08:00

Listening to my husband worship God while I talk to someone on the phone. The person who called said they prayed for us and what has been impressed in their heart during prayer was an exact confirmation of what God has been speaking to our hearts recently.

So thankful that we serve such an amazing God who dances and sings His promises over us continuously.

"You dance over me while I am unaware, you sing all around, while I never hear the sound... Lord I'm amazed by you and how you love me"

According to the students, my new name is: Mama C

2012-01-06T18:58:00.000-08:00

His students threw us a mock wedding reception in the band room! How sweet! They spent their own money, decorated the place up & did everything themselves!!! They even performed songs for us!! How sweet! Im so overjoyed! :)

They call him Mr. C. They call me Mama C and they call Christian Lil'C. i love it!!!

Chasing lizards.

2012-01-05T21:46:00.000-08:00

And eating them for a snack! Go Clifford!

all things NEW: a journey of new beginnings - my #oneword365 #oneword2012

2012-01-03T23:57:00.000-08:00

because i have a new name.

because i have a new role.

because i have a new title.

because i have a new home.

because i have a new family.

because i have a new song to sing.

because i have a new spiritual family.

because i have a new beginning.

because He has given me new promises.

He has made ALL THINGS NEW.

"Then He who sat on the throne said, Behold, I make all things NEW. And He said to me, WRITE, for these words are faithful and true. (Revelation 21:5)"

My one word for 2012 is NEW. I know it's kind of cliche since it's the new year, but there's no other word that best describes the season that God has brought me into except that word. It's like He has given me a clean slate and a fresh start and is writing a brand new chapter in my life story.

Everything in this season is new for me. This is unfamiliar territory and i know unfamiliar territories come with both blessings and trials. but because God has promised that He has made all things new, i am excited and ecstatic, because last year He came through for me and my son and my husband in ways that have exceeded our imagination and i know that with God, i believe (#oneword2011) we only go from faith to faith and strength to strength and glory to glory.

This season i know i must learn to understand fully the new role i have as a wife.

This season i need to understand the covering and mantle He has placed upon me with my new role as a minister (no longer a missionary since i married a local boy).

This season i must learn to balance the role i have as a mother in my new family and home... and learn to submit (since i am no longer head of the household).

This season, i want to find my niche and the specific role i have in my local church and the community, not just as a minister but now a pastor's wife (how many people remember how i swore to never become that?!?)

This season i must learn to spell (and teach others how to spell) my last new last name.

This season i am to follow and make time to follow His command to write - diligently, truthfully, without reserve - to write and bring Him glory. (see revelations 21:5)

This season, our family must learn and understand exactly what and why God has brought us into this new season together for such a time as this... and move boldly into our destiny.

He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord. (Psalm 40:3)

My God has made all things new... and i will write for His words have proven faithful and true. I cannot wait to see how 2012 will unfold and i am excited to take you with me and my family along in this journey of new beginnings.

For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth; And the former shall not be remembered or come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I create; For behold, I create Jerusalem as a rejoicing, And her people a joy. I will rejoice in Jerusalem, And joy in My people; The voice of weeping shall no longer be heard in her, Nor the voice of crying. No more shall an infant from there live but a few days, Nor an old man who has not fulfilled his days; For the child shall die one hundred years old, But the sinner being one hundred years old shall be accursed. They shall build houses and inhabit them;They shall plant vineyards and eat their fruit. They shall not build and another inhabit; They shall not plant and another eat; For as the days of a tree, so shall be the days of My people, And My elect shall long enjoy the work of their hands. They shall not labor in vain, Nor bring forth children for trouble; For they shall be the descendants of the blessed of the LORD, And their offspring with them. It shall come to pass, That before they call, I will answer; And while they are still speaking, I will hear. (Isaiah 65:17-24)

check out other one worders at www.oneword365.com

I kissed a frog prince :)

2012-01-01T13:40:00.000-08:00

2011 started in barrenness & ended up with fruitfulness. Believe #oneword2011

2011-12-31T13:43:00.001-08:00

Started 2011 with 21 days of fasting, BELIEVING God for a breakthrough after years of tears... Ended 2011 with songs of joy in my heart - living in Hawaii, as a minister of His word and now I'm married to a wonderful man. God always gives us more than what we ask for if we just continue to BELIEVE. #oneword2011 Bring on 2012 - coz we only go from faith to faith, strength to strength and glory to glory.

Happy new year everyone!

This is the day.

2011-12-28T09:43:00.001-08:00

This is the day that the Lord has made...i will rejoice and be glad in it. this day has been written in my book of life, even before I came to be. This day has been in God's heart since the beginning of eternity.

The birds, the bees and the wrong hole.

2011-12-26T11:25:00.001-08:00

A serious conversation this morning when I went to fiance's home. John is giving the kiddo the full birds & the bees "talk". as I walked into the room, the kid says to me with much disdain in his face: "you girls have 3 holes?!? You need to tell him if he goes into the wrong hole mom!!!".

Then after their whole convo, kiddo said it's interesting how God created us... He's pretty smart to create us that way.

What a wonderful way to start the day ;)

Merry and bright.

2011-12-23T21:48:00.001-08:00

May your days be merry and bright (as bright as bambam's shining star)! ;)

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Hello Xmas vacation.

2011-12-16T01:31:00.000-08:00

Late night trip to the grocery store to buy Moose track ice cream = $6

Beautiful lights glowing from
the Xmas tree = borrowed from the M family.

watching tv/movies the whole night coz they have no need to get up early tomorrow = awesomeness.

Having to sleep in an empty home by myself coz my son & my dog are sleeping over the fiance's house = kinda sucky.

Seeing my 2 boys cuddle while watching = priceless.

Hello Christmas vacation. We missed u so! These next 2 weeks are gonna be FUN! (though it's kinda strange not having to wear layers of clothing for Xmas)

trumpet.

2011-12-11T15:14:00.001-08:00

Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! (Psalm 150:3 ESV)

all things are possible indeed. #oneword2011

2011-12-08T15:51:00.000-08:00

i moved here to hawaii to change the world. leaving family and friends behind, i packed my bags and took my son and my dog and decided to serve God here as a missionary to help a local church and bring a lil crazy flava' to the islands. as soon as i got here though, God decided it would be fun to turn my world completely upside down and He surprised me with a wonderful gift to heal my heart.

my biggest fear in life was my fear of marriage. any one of my friends and those of you who've been reading my blog know how much that fear has gripped my heart. i would fly anywhere, write anything, talk to anyone for the gospel... but the one thing i never desired was to ever be in a place where my heart would be vulnerable in the hands of someone else.

i had to move 2500 miles away from home to realize how much my heart needed to learn to trust - in God and eventually in a man. i had to move 2500 miles away to realize how much my son needed a godly male role model in his life on a daily basis. so God brought along John, my friend, my homie, my neighbor (literally) to help bring healing to my heart.

his name means God is merciful and gracious / a gift from God. his name speaks of how my heart feels every time i think of how God orchestrated every little detail for us to be together. he waited 35 years for me to come along, living purely in the eyes of God, completely trusting in God that a wife would come along one day. he had people praying for him. i didn't desire marriage but i had people (literally my whole church & my family, relatives & friends) praying for me that i would one day change my heart.

and my heart was changed.

now i have a fiance.

and i'm getting married.

to say that is one of the greatest miracles of all time. (seriously). if you knew how stubborn i was and how much i hated the idea, you'd know how much of a miracle this was. but God is in the business of transforming lives and changing hearts. and im so glad He changed my heart.

i was reading through emails of prayers of people who cried for my heart to be healed. i have emails of prophetic words that people have shared to me through out the years of how God spoke to their hearts to pray for my husband. i have emails and letters sent to me by powerful prayer warriors telling me that a marriage was gonna happen soon, even before i moved out to hawaii.

when the righteous pray... God moves heaven and earth for them.

our story is a testimony of how powerful prayers are and how God can truly turn things around in one day. i am so grateful that i get to spend this holiday season with my son and my dog and my fiance, doing what i love to do which is to be a minister and a missionary for God, while living in one of the most beautiful places in the world. though my journey has been one of pain, tears and a lot of trials, my #oneword2011 journey to BELIEVE has proven that ALL THINGS are possible indeed for him or her who believes. [mk 9:23]

You don't write because you want to say something..you write because you have something to say.

2011-12-06T15:27:00.001-08:00

I got this gift in the mail today.

Definitely in tears right now. I'm so thankful for friends that remind you of the dreams in your heart and encourage you to go on and pursue them.

This gift came at the perfect time coz I had a terrible week before this. I lost my part time job (from which came a significant amount of money i needed to pay my bills since I'm here only on missionary support). Plus I got super sick on my birthday and my dog caught fleas which cost $200 to get rid off (which i had to take from my savings for Christmas money.)

After this weekend my heart was so discouraged and disheartened. And I was asking God to throw me a bone and give me something to encourage me of my dreams.

I love how God uses people and circumstances to bring encouragement at the perfect time.

This gift reminded me of the promises God was speaking to me as I was sick in bed resting on my birthday. He spoke tenderly promises to me that this coming year would be the beginning of a completely new season of my life. That all the years of tears that I've sown has watered the seeds and now a harvest is about to come (and has began to come already). And He had to bring me to a completely new place (where I don't know anybody) in order for me to see His great miracle working power to take my walk with Him to the next level and that only He could have the power to do these things.

I can't wait to write fresh revelations and promises for this coming season.

A new season as a missionary working for the kingdom of God in one of the most beautiful places on earth.
A new season as a soon-to-be wife of a great godly man.
A new season to have a new name and a new beginning.
A new season as God's minister who was given a mandate to proclaim His praise in the islands. (isaiah 42:12)

A new season awaits and by the end of next year these fresh pages will be filled of His promises and testimonies of His faithfulness and goodness.

"He has given me a new song to sing...a hymn of praise to God. many will see what He has done and be amazed and they will put their trust in the Lord." (psalm 40:3)

Thank you to my dear friend and sister Anna, for reminding me that I write because I have something to say... And I thank God for giving me the words to proclaim His praises and sing of His faithfulness all the days of my life.

My face = exactly how I feel. Sucks to be me right now.

2011-12-01T21:36:00.001-08:00

2 months ago I had an ear infection. I went to the beach and had a swimmers ear. The pain lasted a week and everything I heard was pretty much muffled. That sound lingered for 2 months. I was deaf in my right ear and had a hard time hearing. I had to drink antibiotic and put in ointments and do ear flushes and after 2 months of annoying pain...it began to feel better a couple of weeks ago...

Or so I thought.

Yesterday the ear infection came back with a damn vengeance. Today I am in so much pain that Tylenol isn't even doing anything for me anymore. My ear is swollen :( I have to put ice on my ear so it numbs out the external pain I feel coz of all the crap that's in my ear that's causing the infection.

An my ear chose to do this 2 days before I celebrate my birthday. :/ so i had to cancel my birthday dinner. Sucks to be me right now.

Please say a prayer for me if you can. I am believing for supernatural healing coz this single mama has no insurance and I can't afford to go to a specialist.

I know my God is a healer. I am trusting in His promise that He removes all my diseases (psalm 103)... Please stand in prayer with me and believe with me for healing.

Thank you.

I long to be this kind of tree.

2011-11-28T12:28:00.001-08:00

The birds nested in its branches, and in its shade all the wild animals gave birth. All the great nations of the world lived in its shadow. It was strong & beautiful, with wide-spreading branches, for its roots went deep into abundant water. Ez31:6-7

I long to be this kind of tree. A shelter where people can run to, whose branches are long enough to embrace people who have their own stories to tell and be a safe place of rest. I long to have my roots run deep into abundant waters of God's love, so deep that it provides nourishment to everything around me. I long to be the kind of tree, where under the shade of my prayers and words, dreams are birthed and cared for and launched forth. I long to be the kind of tree that brings life to others around me and shares life to those who are parched. I long to be the kind of tree, where its mere presence will cause others to see and be in awe of God's miracle working power that was able to transform what was once a small seed of faith into something beautiful and majestic that boasts of His amazing grace. I long to be this kind of tree.

Sunday mornings and training the kids.

2011-11-27T12:11:00.001-08:00

Life of a missionary. We do church set up and take down every sunday morning, since we're a mobile church and have no permanent place yet. (thats one thing you could be praying about please) Btw, the one thing i hate about set up & take down are those tables....They are soooo darn heavy it takes 2 people to carry em. Craziness.

Anywhoo, check out those kiddos in the pic. They're amazing kids! They help with carrying stuff, unloading the truck and setting up church (computers, projector, chairs) every Sunday. We're definitely training the next generation right ;)

My birthday gift for myself :)

2011-11-25T03:50:00.001-08:00

All for $45. Gotta love black Friday deals :)

Be thankful always.

2011-11-24T12:57:00.000-08:00

Wall of thanksgiving. So when things are rough, I will be reminded of things that are really important and everything I'm grateful for. Happy thanksgiving.

Joy in the smallest. #choosejoy

2011-11-22T22:06:00.001-08:00

Sometimes joy can be found in the smallest of things.

Choose joy.

THIS never fails to make my heart smile.

2011-11-21T20:44:00.000-08:00

Thankful for my family.

Breaking dawn.

2011-11-18T01:59:00.001-08:00

Waiting in line for hours. Loading up on coffee and red bull and finally in the theater to watch breaking dawn. Yay!

My beloved speaks to me.

2011-11-08T19:58:00.001-08:00

My beloved speaks and says to me: "Arise, my love, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone (Song of Solomon 2:10-11)

a boy and his best friend.

2011-11-07T20:43:00.001-08:00

Be merry.

2011-11-05T17:15:00.001-07:00

You have filled my heart with greater joy [psalm 4:7]

introducing the super powers.

2011-11-01T17:05:00.001-07:00

The maximizer in me is über giddy. (it's my #2 theme). Introducing strength finders to the staff and church here. Can't wait to find out what the superpowers of each individual is and our collective strength as leaders in the church. :)

Meeting family & my first real date in 9 years. :)

2011-10-30T12:51:00.001-07:00

saturday: met JC's grandparents, C & JC played a lil pool and watched dvds. then i went on a first real "non-chaperoned" date with someone I love for the first time in 9 years! ;) the night consisted of going to church to worship, eating a deelish dinner and walking around waikiki with all the crazy dressed up hooligans. my saturday = perfect

Friday night date night.

2011-10-29T00:37:00.001-07:00

Date night with the lil man = mars needs moms, lotsa chocolate, panda express, cracker jacks, sour gummi words and lotsa hugs. :)

my saturday night.

2011-10-23T01:29:00.001-07:00

hanging out with my boys this Saturday night while studying the word. :) all is well in my heart. all that's missing is my dog...but that's changing in a couple of weeks coz he's flying out here soon :)

It's the little things: laker flowers and then some.

2011-10-20T12:29:00.001-07:00

flowers and a foot rub for me and a toy for my son. it's the little things he does that makes my heart smile =)

im all giddy. aaaand to think...i said i wanted to be single for the rest of my life. thank God for not taking my words seriously at times.

take note: the flowers are purple and gold. he says he hates the lakers but i think he's a low-key laker fan too. LOL ;)

word study while they wii.

2011-10-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

preparing for sunday's message while they play the wii.

there's no place else i'd rather be.

fighting giants, God setting the lonely in family & being lonely no more.

2011-10-10T14:49:00.001-07:00

i can so relate to the israelites right now. after a long season of suffering in egypt and the years of breaking and character building in the wilderness, God had finally brought them into their promise land... and instead of rejoicing....what did they end up doing?!?! they wanted to retreat and go back to where they came from.

im sure they saw the fruits and the potential of the promise land.... but the giants in the land scared the living sh*t out of them. i know, just like Joshua, i'm facing my promise land at the moment. i know because that is what God whispered in my heart months even before i left LA. that i would be entering my promise land. and it would be a place of rest. but it would also be a place to conquer.

He wouldn't have called or provided for me to come out here if it wasn't His will. but even in the call and the provision, right now i'm scared sh*tless. i never thought my heart would feel this way. i thought seeing my dreams come to pass would be a good thing that would bring me satisfaction.... but 2 months into this transition and it has already brought about a lot of fears, tears and issues that i never thought i would have to face right away.

for the first 2 months, i wanted nothing more than to go back to Egypt or even the wilderness.... coz though the promise land has abundant fruit... it also has a lot of giants... and some of those giants come with the territory of being in Hawaii and some of those giants are my own personal demons and issues that i have to face. the issues are painful to carry and it's pretty overwhelming when the giants in my heart and giants of the land are teasing and taunting me right in front of my face.

i don't wanna fight my giants. i don't wanna fight other people's giants. there are times when i just wanna curl up into a ball and cry. there are times when i just wanna go home to people who know me and love me the the most.... because here... i really don't know a lot of people and i have to completely trust in God to be my best friend.

but God has been completely faithful... because He knows i can't slay those giants alone. He has shown me that He has orchestrated everything so perfectly that even the church i came from and the church i now belong to, along with the people He has surrounded me with was divinely planned. all the people who choose to support and partner with this mission trip and now every person i've met here that He has brought into my life thus far are here for a specific reason and that they were brought about at the right time.

and though my family and closest friends are in LA, He is now calling me to build my home where i am right now. no more looking back at egypt. no more looking back in the wilderness. He has commanded me to fight the giants here little by little and call hawaii home. He has chosen to surround me with spiritual family. and the small band of people that He has chosen for me to build with is a force to be reckoned with, just like david's army was.

but it's not just spiritual family. He has also chosen to set the lonely in a family, just like He did with ruth. and here in hawaii, i found my naomi. my boaz has finally found me. i found family here. and i am lonely no more.

"little by little I will drive your enemies out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land." - Exodus 23:30

a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families. (ps68:5-6)

kiss my......

2011-10-09T01:10:00.001-07:00

....sass. I want this shirt. :)

worth a thousand words

2011-10-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

since they say that pictures are worth a thousand words... so im bringing back the pic posts...(most of them are the pics i post on twitter and instagram) just coz sometimes, there aren't any words to describe my day...plus i really miss posting my daily pics on here....

we likes to eat while dreaming BIG for the church.

some good filipino home cookin'.

church staff lunch with P.Lloyd and JC.

no act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. - aesop

must resolve to be kinder with my words and actions.

listening to "mr friend" worshiping God makes my heart smile.

my son finding his heart at home at the GB middle school service.

he was so excited when i picked him up, he was singing praise & worship songs out loud! =]

watching reel steel.

allowing my heart to feel again.

2011-10-03T21:46:00.001-07:00

i've been really homesick the past few days. my heart is so longing for the comfort of familiar faces and people who know me the most.... yet it wants to be here, in the middle of the new things that are happening....because right now, although a part of my heart is sad that im not in LA... a part of my heart is the happiest its been in a really, really long time.

let's back track for a minute before i get into the nitty gritty of what God has been doing these past 7.5 weeks. (yes, i haven't even been here for 2 months...crazy huh?!?!) sorry for the long a** post. im playing catch up with the words and posts that have been void in this blog for 2 months. anywhoooo....

i left my family and friends in LA and moved to hawaii with an agenda. a timeline. a plan. i was going to come out to become a missionary here, help the church get back on its feet, reach out to the lost, the hurting and the crazies out here in Hawaii and maybe stay a year or two at the most...then move on to go out change the world.

i was in love with the thought of reaching and changing the world for God. I was passionate about being used by God to make a difference in people's lives. all i wanted to do was love God and love people. and I was focused and I was determined to do it ALONE.

but God had other plans. He took my agenda, my timeline, my plans and broke them... and He decided that He would make me face my biggest fear ever... all in a span of less than 2 months since I moved here.

God knew that He had to take me through the process of moving 2500 miles away from my closest family and friends to feel homesick because i thought i never needed anyone by my side. moving here caused me to be somewhat lonely. not somewhat. i actually felt really lonely. i felt like i was on the outside looking in. it was a kind of lonely that i never felt before.

and though i was excited about living my dream of doing ministry and helping the church... even that wasn't enough to satisfy the empty feeling i had in my heart. the reality of being homesick. the current situation at church and how hard it really is to be a missionary - to change culture and the mindset of people. that, alongside dealing with a child who is extremely homesick as well and is having a hard time finding his place here in hawaii. and having to be sensitive to how other people feel with certain personal issues going on has taken a toll on my heart... and my heart has been heavy. and alone. and behind the smiles and laughter i shared on the outside, my heart was screaming with sadness.

and now i understand why God had allowed that to happen. it's because He wanted to get my attention. He wanted for me to understand the concept of learning to need someone... to be at a place to teach myself to be vulnerable and scared. He wanted for me to see that i could not do it by myself.

so God decided to bring him along.
i "met" him 6 years ago through email...but i didn't reply back. LOL
i never thought i'd meet him and real life, or even be my friend.
but God decided to play a funny joke on me.
it happened fast.

too fast for my comfort.

too fast for my liking

maybe even too fast for other's liking.

but it's what i needed.

because He knows i would've probably packed up sooner than expected and went back home if the guy didn't come at that moment that he did. he wasn't part of my plan. he was the last thing i wanted. i was so determined on remaining single for the rest of my life. yet God thought otherwise. i resisted it, i cursed it, i ran away from it, i tried to hide. but the more i pushed it away, the more God allowed it to happen. it's almost like God has allowed him to see beyond the words that were being spoken, but instead understand my heart. and my heart is a very complicated thing. when he speaks and shares His prayers to me, it's as if God gives him access to my journal and my most private thoughts. and that freaked me out and it continues to freak me out. but that's how i know that this is God.

i thought having a "him" would bring butterflies and flowers and warm fuzzies, just like other people's stories. instead it has opened pandora's box. my own issues and fears are being dealt with. his own issues are being dealt with. my son's issues are being dealt with. there are other people's fears and issues being dealt with as well. a lot of issues. a lot of fears.

it has been a messy and extremely emotional 7.5 weeks, but even in the midst of the challenges and the messy, my heart has never felt this happy and content. i always have joy in God, but right now my heart is actually smiling. it's been about 9 years since i've allowed my heart to feel. i've forgotten how it actually feels like to allow someone into your thoughts. i've forgotten how it feel to let someone hold your hand or allow someone to buy simple things for you that make you smile. and now that the door has been opened, it feels like a part of my heart can actually believe again and live again.

i sat at the park today and i watched him hang out and play basketball with my son. and i couldn't help but smile and be giddy....i'm still scared. but i'd rather do it scared than live bound up in fear for the rest of my life. God has taken my biggest fear and has turned it around to be a source of overwhelming joy. i don't know how this is going to turn out. i have no clue what God has in store... but at this present moment, i couldn't help but be thankful to Him for knowing better than i. coz in the middle of being really homesick and missing my loved ones, im grateful that He brought someone along the way that could be a potentially be a life long friend...in whom heart can rest and be safe.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. - 1John4:18

It's all you need.

2011-10-01T14:06:00.000-07:00

On a date.

2011-09-27T18:29:00.001-07:00

Chocolate moo'd with my favorite boy.

Hiking. Prayer. Pillbox.

2011-09-22T16:55:00.001-07:00

fear is louder.

2011-09-20T01:34:00.000-07:00

the fear is louder than words.

the fear is louder and the silence on this page has been deafening.

the fear is louder in the midst of all the emotions my heart is feeling.

the fear is louder than the peace.

the fear is louder than the warm fuzzies and butterflies.

the fear is shouting louder than His promises.

the fear is louder than the voices and hearts that are trying to reach out and help.

the fear is louder than everything good that's been happening around me.

the fear is louder.

and i am paralyzed by it.

i feel so bound by it.

and i cannot seem to let it go.

Extra lovin'

2011-09-08T16:39:00.001-07:00

The kiddo is sick today so he gets home made chicken soup & some extra loving. Say a prayer for him if you can. Thanks

God paints.

2011-09-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

One of my personal favorite things to do to remind me of God's love is to look up at the sky each time the sun sets (or if I'm up early enough... when the sun rises).

As I'm looking, I imagine that God is painting the sky for me alone so I can appreciate and enjoy His work of art. His masterpiece in the sky varies day by day just so I have something new to look at. I seriously think I'm His favorite and have no qualms in my head about it. I realized it to be more true when He asked me to move here in the islands.

The sunsets here in Hawaii are breathtakingly beautiful. the sky is filled with hues of orange and pink, yellow, blue, red and gray. Man, God sure does know how to show off and impress my heart coz each day I am enamored by His ability to make my heart smile with the littlest things.

what do you want?

2011-09-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

You ask me "what do you want me to do for you?"

I said i long for my eyes to be opened to see.

See the beauty in the ashes of my bound up heart.

See the beauty of Your desire for me.

To trust fully and to be free.

You said "hold out your heart" so that I may begin to heal.

I looked at my heart, all bent up and deformed.

The heart that has been crippled by fear.

Bound by rejection. Toughened by circumstances.

Why would You want a heart like this, My God?

You've asked me to open the door that i've tried so hard to close.

You've asked me to tear down the walls i've built for myself.

You've asked me to trust this bleeding heart in Your Hands.

You've asked me to burst the bubble of self-protection that i have built.

Though i try to resist, Your love pulls me in.

Though i try to run away, Your voice lures my heart.

Like a magnet, I keep on coming back.

Deeper and deeper, as i rest in Your embrace.

In Your arms, I know my heart is safe.

In the shadow of your wings, I have found solace.

Every gentle Word You speak chips away at the walls i've tried so hard to build.

Every stroke of Your hand eases the muscles of my constricting heart.

Your smile alone has enough power for me to let go of the grasp.

the grasp on the door i've held on to for so long.

Take my whole heart God, it's completely Yours.

I am choosing to trust You, despite the unseen.

I am choosing to do it scared, even if im completely terrified.

I am choosing to believe, even when everything in me wants to doubt.

I am choosing to live free.

because i know it is for freedom that You came, so that i may be set free.

Laundry

2011-09-02T19:22:00.001-07:00

view full image

"Laundry ... Coz people in Hawaii still do actually hang their laundry outdoors #808update"

favorite spot.

2011-08-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

i have found my favorite spot. in every house and home i've moved to....i always find a spot that i like the most and i make that my favorite spot. i've only been here for 3 weeks and i already know that this spot is it.

i even got in touch with my inner green thumb and took my chance to plant succulents. i hope that the fact that it drizzles here constantly will help these plants to live (coz my plants usually die on me).

so yeah...this is my favorite spot. i sit here in the darkness sometimes and wait for the dawn to come. i love seeing the sun slowly shine and bring life to a darkened sky. or i'll sit here during dusk as the sun tries to kiss the sky one more time before it sets and it leaves the sky blushing with tones of orange and red and pink.

or sometimes (especially on nights like tonight), i'll sit here in the dark...and enjoy the sound of the pitter patter of the raindrops as it falls on the roof while i drink my tea and pray or contemplate about nothingness and/or everythingness.

the covered patio creates a wind tunnel so there's always wind that's gently blowing and touching my face. and most of the time, unless i call attention to myself...no one really sees me sit here. i like the idea that i have a favorite spot to be alone with God. i need to invest in a hammock....or maybe a super loungy rocking chair. that will make this spot even better.

i've realized that even if i'm an uber-extrovert...the inner introvert in me is slowly making it's way out. i actually crave and love these alone times. oh my gosh...i think im getting old. =( im no fun anymore! ugh.

outside looking in and longing to be known.

2011-08-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

right now, everything around me is new. new relationships are being built. new locations are being explored. new words are being learned. there are new faces to know. new expressions to be studied. new attitudes to overcome. new quirks to try and understand.

everything is new.

i remember this feeling all too well.... when i was younger, our family constantly moved. we migrated from the philippines to san francisco then back to manila and back to LA again in a span of 15 years. and now i get to re-live it all over again (minus sisters who know you the most). except now, im surrounded by unfamiliarity.

it kinda gets awkward sometimes when you're in a place where everyone else around you knows each other really well and you and your son are the ones who are on the "outside" looking in. don't get me wrong, everyone here has been really sweet and welcoming and i love the hearts of the people that God has surrounded me with. i network with people easily because im a super extroverted social butterfly so it's not hard for me to make friends, but even with that uncanny ability, my heart still realizes how much everything is unfamiliar.

treading into a new territory can often be intimidating and sometimes tiring, just because you really don't know how to "be" just yet. and sometimes your heart longs for the familiar and the known coz there is comfort there.

you try to look for the face of the person that knows you so well that they know how to read your face, your expressions and the meaning behind your tone of voice, but it's not there and you're left with an inside joke with no one to laugh or share it with.

i've realized that the only way that the unfamiliar will become familiar is through time plus how much one decides to let others in. and i know given more time, my extroverted heart will find a home within the people here and i wont be on the outside looking in anymore. but right now, i'm peeking through windows and im learning to embrace this feeling.

im guessing this is part of the feeling of being a missionary. or maybe this is something new that God is doing inside of me. i've never, ever felt this way before so this is extremely new to me. i've always been surrounded by people who "know me" so this is the first time my heart has ever felt this kind of emotion. some people might call this feeling being lonely. i call it longing to be known.

im thankful though, that even in the midst of this, the One who knows me the most is always with me wherever i go. my Maker is my Best Friend and i can rest knowing that my heart is safe in His hands.

T.G.I.F.

2011-08-26T23:51:00.001-07:00

Friday, Food, Friends and a lil bit of moscato

finding 'home' in happiest place in the US.

2011-08-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

today marks the 2nd week that we have been here in hawaii. this past month has been a crazy whirlwhind adventure or sorts and today was the only day i actually was able to find the time to just "be" in front of the computer. i miss writing my heart out like this.

to those of you that care to know, hawaii has been treating me and my son really well. though leaving family was hard for us, it wasn't hard to transition our hearts to begin to call hawaii home. it's as if God has supernatually taken our hearts and grafted it into the hearts of the people and the church automatically. that is nothing short of His grace, because we all know that transitions are usually hard emotionally, especially the first few months of moving.

the people in the church welcomed us with open arms. some of them had worked so hard on the renovations to be able to get "home" ready for christian and i and for that we are so thankful. if you haven't already read on twitter or FB updates... i'll say it again here... this is actually the 1st time in 11 years that i am finally going to have my own room and my son has his own room too. HALLELU. i am seriously loving it!

the people here are so much nicer. seriously. everyone hugs you when they meet you and they are always smiling. it's kinda akward when im meeting someone for the first time and i bust out my "LA-nice-to-meet-you-handshake" and they come to me with arms wide open and give me a big hug instead. it reminds me so much of the philippines...i guess it's coz almost everyone and their mom here is asian (or part asian). i didn't realize how much of LA has jaded me to become distant and kinda cold instead of being welcoming and friendly.

but the people here drive HELLA SLOW (i swear they drive like turtles). and they actually let other people pass in front of them and they even wave at each other when they do. WHERE DO THEY DO THAT AT?!? only in hawaii. LOL actually people here just don't drive hella slow... the life here is slow. it's almost like they move in their own pace. in LA everyone is always "on the go"... here people take the time to actually breathe. and hang out. and talk to other people.

also, everythaaaaang is expensive out here. f'realz. everytime i shop at target/walmart/kmart/grocery my eyes look like this O_o coz of the high prices of everything.

they eat rice with almost everything and they love them some spam. they say "da kine" A LOT. the women here wear some big tattoos (not just tramp stamps i tell ya... they wear some sleeve tattoos or leg tattoos) the mixed kids are beautiful. almost everyone is brown here (so there goes my dreams to have blazian babies one day).

funny thing is...recent gallup survey says that hawaii is actually the happiest state in the US. (it's actually been the happiest state a few years in a row). i think it's so ironic that God would choose to move me out here. as if being a happy and crazy person in LA wasn't enough already... He wanted to make sure that my son and i would settle in a very happy place and call that place home. i swear i love being His favorite.

my heart is truly happy indeed.

Sand, weddings & rain.

2011-08-20T02:37:00.001-07:00

finally. :) sand on my toes and hanging out with friends. My day is made.

To top it off I spent this rainy night watching the wedding singer. :)

Loving this Sabbath day.

milk.

2011-08-18T02:12:00.001-07:00

Milk is supposed to do a body good but with the price of milk per gallon here in Hawaii.... it's better to be lactose intolerant. Lol!!!

Ahhh...the price people pay to live in paradise.

Pick up.

2011-08-16T21:51:00.001-07:00

I haven't ridden in the back of a pick up truck in a really long time :) I swear Hawaii is just like the Philippines...

Last day.

2011-08-10T00:03:00.001-07:00

Spent time with the family today. Right now I'm just loving on my dog @bambamroa coz I'm really gonna miss him.

So happy a couple of Christian's friends came by to say goodbye to him too.

Los Angeles... we're really gonna miss u.

Happy feet, happy heart.

2011-08-06T23:07:00.000-07:00

Today I spent time with my family hiking Runyon canyon, getting a foot massage, having a date with my sister B at Starbucks and a date with my mom at IKEA. Happiness is seeing the 2012 IKEA catalog ;) and spending time with the fambam!

Then I went home and finished packing and hung out with my other sis C and her husband R.

Its getting harder to write my thoughts and feelings about this move. Though I am very excited about moving, I know I am saying goodbye to a season of my life so my emotions are all over the place.

Im really gonna miss a lot of people here but im especially gonna my sisters. It breaks my heart when they hug me and they cry at the thought of not seeing me and their nephew. :/ *sigh* why can't we ALL just move to hawaii together ;)

Countdown: 8 days to Hawaii & forever friends.

2011-08-03T23:28:00.001-07:00

8 days to go. Had no car today so I stayed home and packed the whole day. Well not really the whole day... I packed a few hours in the morning and when it got too hot in the garage, I went back inside and watched shark week and real housewives of new Jersey reruns. :)

When my sis came home from work we went out on a date to yogurtland. The line was ridiculously long coz apparently the cups were decorated with Hello Kitty / Sanrio characters. How fun!!! Ofcourse I got my taro with mochi. yum!

I love spending time with my baby sister C. She's been my best friend for 30 years (since she stole my thunder when she was born 30 years ago). She's the one person who knows me best. I think not having her around (as with my other sisters) is the thing that will make this hawaii trip a hard one in my heart (family wise). She is my friend forever.

Im so excited to see her become a mom!!! She's gonna be a great mommy to my nephew for sure!

Countdown: 9 more days - pizookies

2011-08-03T00:49:00.001-07:00

I love me some pizookies from BJs. I know I'm gonna miss this for sure!

Thanks Carol for the pizzookie. Its always great hanging out with you! See you in a few months ;)

Countdown: 11 days - blessings, goodbyes and spiritual family.

2011-08-01T00:19:00.001-07:00

Countdown: 11 days before we leave. Today was our last Sunday to attend our LA church (next weekend is family weekend) and it was very emotional for me and my son.

This has been our home church for the past 8.5 years. It was in this church that I grew and matured as a Christian. It was in this church that I learned how to serve, teach, pray, encourage. It was in this church that I was launched into leadership. It was in this church that my dreams began to grow as i started walking out the initial process of my dreams to teach God's Word and counsel women.

Most importantly, it was in this church where I learned the meaning and importance of spiritual family. You see, just like in blood family, spiritual family has its good seasons and bad seasons, its up and downs. For the past 8.5 years this church has seen its share of good and bad and joys and tears ... and i'm glad I listened to God's voice to stick it through with this spiritual family no matter what happened. And trust me this church has been through A LOT and a lot of people have come out victorious! And I'm proud of the people who have stuck it through aand have grown through the seasons. These people have literally become like family to me and my son. My son practically grew up in this church house.

We have received love and care from so many people in the church. They were there when we were homeless and they gave us a roof over our head. They were there when we had no cars and i received 4 free cars. When I had no money, people would treat me out to eat and buy my son things he needed/wanted. When we were going through a rough time, this spiritual family prayed for us, supported me and my son and rallied around us to encourage us to hold on no matter how rough it got. They watched God take me through the season of wildnerness for years and years and they saw God open miraculous doors for me for this next season of my life. In fact, the members of this church are my biggest givers and sowers for my mission trip and ministry in Hawaii.

The people of this church are very excited to bless the church in Hawaii by sowing not only their friend but also their finances to send me and my son out there. I am forever grateful and thankful that God surrounded me and my son with loving faithful people and friends.

Today, the leaders and elders prayed for me and my son to send us off to our mission trip. They covered us in prayer and assured us that they have our backs in prayer.

That is big for me.... because as I had previously mentioned in my other post, I really believe that it's as important to end seasons gracefully because it speaks volumes on how you will begin a new season. And I'm so glad I have the blessing of my spiritual family, my leaders and pastors as my son and I venture into the next season of our lives.

** side note: I was THE FIRST PERSON that received prayer on our new auditorium/stage. The same stage I took a picture of last January when I said I will preach there one day as the stage was being built. I love that I got first dibs on that stage! :) ha! **

Countdown: 12 days to Hawaii - kiddos.

2011-07-30T20:32:00.001-07:00

My baby sister has been sleeping over our place this past week now.she says she plans to sleep over every day and spend time with us until we leave.

Last night she was telling me how much she was gonna miss her nephew (my son). She couldnt help but cry at the thought of not being able to play with him or have him over all the time.

This ofcourse made me cry too. Accckkk the reality of leaving family is becoming more real now.

*tears*

Dear God, only You know why I have to move and be far away from my sisters. I trust that you will make the transition easy for us. I entrust my baby sisters to you. I know you're going to take care of them and you're going to take care of us. Thank you so much for Skype. Love, Patricia

Countdown: 13 days to Hawaii - family time.

2011-07-29T20:17:00.001-07:00

Countdown: 13 more days to Hawaii. Me and my sister went out on a date to watch captain America and my other sister took my son out on a date to watch Harry Potter.

spending time with family always makes my heart smile. Well that and hot superheros. Lol!!!

countdown: 14 days to hawaii - reeking sweat and garlic.

2011-07-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

countdown: 14 days to hawaii. spent the day packing. it was hot as heck in the garage and i was sweating like a pig but me and my son got 4 boxes down - packed and sealed - and now i have 3 more boxes to go!!! woohoo!!

i reek sweat.

THEN.... i had dinner (don't worry i took a shower first before i went) with really great friends of mine... a couple who has inspired me and supported me and my dreams all through out this time... i absolutely love them. they brought me to the stinking rose in beverly hills coz they heard i have never been....and OH MY GOODNESS...the food was deeeeelish... (except for the garlic ice cream). i am definitely going again.

i reek garlic but i dont care. check out these hot sauces. they will blast your a**. =]

this fertility god in the restroom skuuured me.

Countdown: 15 days to Hawaii and ending seasons properly.

2011-07-27T00:05:00.000-07:00

Countdown: 15 days to Hawaii.

I ran errands the wholr day and had food dates with friends. We had dinner with my ex boss. (I've been eating so much I'be gained weight again!) Anywhoo I love that my ex-boss invited me and my son out to eat a late dinner and she and her niece even gave us financial donations to help with our move and our missions trip. She even said that God forbid, if things don't work out in Hawaii, I'm always welcome to come work for her again.... and she even told me that she was gonna come and visit me and my son :)

This put a smile on my face because I love ending seasons properly. I love that i can use my boss as a reference and that we still have a relationship outside of the office. I value my integrity highly and I never like to burn bridges or end seasons with a bitter taste in my mouth and in my heart.

I left work properly and Im leaving my church properly with blessings from figures of authority in my life as well as loved ones (parents, pastors, my boss, family, friends).

I've heard it once said that "how you end a season speaks volumes on how you will begin a new season of your life".

Im glad (with God's grace) that I chose to do make this decision the right way... with proper prayer covering and support. It means so much to us that we have the blessings of those around us for this next season. We feel like this will propel us to do even greater things for God since we have the support of those we love and care about.

countdown: 19 days to Hawaii

2011-07-23T22:55:00.000-07:00

countdown: 19 days to hawaii. my farewell / fundraiser party. THANK YOU to everyone who made it out to the party and to everyone who donated $.. a big thank you to you. the money will be going to mine and christian's "furniture and appliances and house stuff and grocey fund" as soon as we get out there.

ya'll made me and christian feel really special and loved. special thanks to my smallgroup who brought food for the party and BIG thank you to carol, christie, rosie, cathy and my mom for setting up the place and the levy's for hosting the party. congratulations to those of you who won the prizes...especially to kelly who won the tiffany ring. HOLLA!

i only had my phone camera (my camera is broken) so i don't have much pics of the party. if you have pics...please send em my way. thanks)

countdown: 20 days to hawaii

2011-07-22T10:43:00.000-07:00

countdown: 20 days.

my body is sore from all those roller coaster rides...i think i spoke to soon. maybe im not young enough to enjoy those rides after all ;)

spent the day PACKING and PACKING and PACKING some more. how fun!

countdown: 21 days to hawaii and coasters.

2011-07-21T12:34:00.000-07:00

countdown: 21 days. today my superman turns eleven. and we celebrated his birthday here.....

he was tall enough to ride ALL the rides... so that he did.

and i could still rock the coasters... hands up and everything ;)

i love being able to be "young" enough to still enjoy these things with him

instead of sitting and waiting for them while they have all the fun.

magic mountain conquered.

countdown: 22 days to hawaii and divorce.

2011-07-20T16:52:00.001-07:00

countdown: 22 days to hawaii.

today i spent $1074.00 to ship my car out to the islands. i had to remind myself WHY i was moving 2500 miles away before i clicked "pay". that amount could have already been my dave ramsey emergency fund money!!

i had to remind myself that obedience always has a price. sometimes the price is leaving loved ones... and sometimes it's a monetary price. im excited though, coz it means that God is going to have to provide miraculously for more finances to come in =]

today was also my parent's final court hearing for their divorce. i absolutely hate the word DIVORCE. this was my mom's second divorce... and you would think that because im 30+ years old, it wouldn't affect me that much.... but it did. you see, my parents' marriage was probably one of the most unhealthiest marriages ever. it was built on adultery, lies, abuse, manipulation, and pride from both sides of the party. but even in the chaos that was their marriage... it still represented family. my family. and it's in that family that partly shaped me to be who i am today.

and today, that season "officialy" ends. divorce represents death. i once wrote about seeing beauty in death. today i am fighting hard to see the beauty in this...because no matter how ugly their marriage was and no matter how painful the memories were for us children growing up in a home that was extremely dysfunctional... divorce only means the end of a season in our lives and an end of a 21 year relationship and friendship.

Countdown: 23 days to hawaii & a picture that says it all.

2011-07-19T18:37:00.001-07:00

Countdown: 26 days and this picture SAYS IT ALL.......

Dear Jesus, please take the wheel and please send me an angel who will sort and weed through our stuff and pack for me. Amen.

Countdown: 24 days to Hawaii and allowing myself to cry.

2011-07-18T23:55:00.001-07:00

Countdown: 24 days to Hawaii.

Today I cried about leaving for the first time. I had just come from watching a DVD from my papa's house and bringing my son to his friend's house to sleep over. I was alone in my car and was taking the time to pray about a few things when I suddenly found myself in tears.

I tried to stop it, but it just flowed. I was talking to God and sharing my heart to Him about how sad I feel about leaving family and close friends behind. I am excited for this next season and I can't wait to do what God has called and designed for me to do....

but at that moment, I had to allow myself to cry. Sometimes doing God's will requires for us to sacrifice things we love the most.... in this case, it's being away from my sisters and my best friends.And ya'll have no clue how close I am with my sisters.

oy vey.

I'm an emotional mess right now. I think it's the hormones. It's PMS galore. Someone pass me some chocolates and ice cream please. (See: http://www.ricianne.com/2008/11/vs-5-pms.html for more info) please check back on me tomorrow to make sure I haven't gained 20lbs. Thanks.

countdown: 25 days to hawaii and unity in a broken body.

2011-07-17T22:46:00.000-07:00

countdown: 25 days to hawaii. clock is ticktocking. i've been gone for the past 2 weeks trying to raise support so i haven't been to church... i went today and some people looked at me as if to say"what you're still here?!?!" someone even thought i had already left. wow. obviously they aren't blog readers/ & or twitter friends. HA! i swear sometimes strangers on twitter know more about my life than my "real" friends. doink.

today the message at church was unity. using ephesians 4:1-10 as a scripture basis, the speaker made a point to drive in unity within the church. i loved that message, because i think it's so vital for the church to grasp this message. it's even MORE VITAL that the whole body of Christ absolutely gets this.

the body of Christ is so broken. it breaks my heart to see so many churches ripping other churches apart, just because they aren't part of the same ministry. it hurts me when i hear pastors talk down or talk bad about other pastors. some church people think they are better than other church folk coz they think they go to a "better church".

heck to the no. no church is "better". no one person is "better". and you ain't more holy or sanctified that the next person who prays a salvation prayer.

we are all broken.

the only reason why we are all beautiful anyway is coz of what Christ did on the cross. apart from Him, we are ugly, fallen, sinful, prideful human beings. ALL OF US. apart from Him your church is WHACK. apart from Him, my church is WHACK. [guess what...even with Christ, sometimes we are whack. LOL] your 10,000 member church isn't any better than the 200 member church or 10 person church.

we are all saved by His grace. we are all sanctified by His grace. and we must continue to trust in His grace as we grow in love. we must fight for His grace to keep us united as a body instead of ripping each other apart.

i pray that we would begin to walk in unity as a body of Christ.... because Jesus says: "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. [john13:25] how the heck is the whole world gonna know of His love if we can't even love one another as brothers and sisters in Christ?

this quote says it best: "love is wanting God's best for others" - Eric Ahlstrom. we should always want God's best for everyone, not just for our friends or family but for the whole body of Christ and those who are made in God's image... which is the rest of the world.

let's fight to love each other. let's fight to believe the best in each other. let's fight to keep the body of Christ united. so that we don't shame the name of the ONE who took our place to be broken and bruised for us in order that we may remain united in His love.

Countdown: day 26 to Hawaii + a very happy heart

2011-07-16T22:35:00.001-07:00

Countdown: day 26 to Hawaii.

Today was my sister's birthday party. We had family and friends and food and fun the whole day. My heart is so full of joy and love. Seeing kids swimming, hearing adults laughing, and watching friends while they're 'all you can eat' grubbing.

My heart is definitely home. Took advantage of every moment and talked to everyone i could coz I know I am going to miss everyone here.

Happy 30th birthday to my sister C. Hope you enjoyed your party. :)

Countdown: 27 days to Hawaii.

2011-07-16T01:11:00.001-07:00

Countdown: 27 days to Hawaii.

Today, I spent my day with my family and really close girl friends. We were getting the house ready to celebrate my sister's birthday party tomorrow. We just spent the afternoon together, doing chores, running errands, cooking, eating, laughing, drinking mojitos, watching TV, etc.

The people that I am with right now are people who know me inside and out... like they know me, my story, my bad habits, my mannerisms, my quirks, my temper, etc and they love me no matter what...

And I realized...when I move, building relationships is something that I am going to start over again... and though that excites me (since I'm ms networking social butterfly) tonight made me realize, its going to be some time before I can truly say I have a friend who truly 'knows' me in Hawaii (and vice versa). I know building relationships is a process that takes time, for me (and for them) to know the positive stuff about me, but as well as the negative. (Yes, I know some of you think I'm perfect but I promise you I got flaws too) LOL!

Anyway, today i just realized that those are some of the things that I'm definitely gonna miss fa'sho..... it's having people around me that know Patricia by heart.

countdown: 28 days to hawaii and thoughts about being single, celibate & desiring sex.

2011-07-14T21:06:00.001-07:00

Countdown: 28 days to Hawaii. So far, all I did today was pack and sort through things so there's not really much to that.... 28 days more then I get to unpack everything I'm packing!!! Woohoo!

I also had coffee with a good friend of mine today and we got to talking about life and the church and stuff... and then we talked about how, when it comes to personal issues that people go through, people don't really talk about it because it's too taboo. (This part is about to be rated pg13 so if you're a kid and you're reading this....stop right now)

I then began to say how I've seen christians talk about marital infidelity, fears, insecurities, abuse, adoption, leadership issues, etc.... but i aint heard a blog post or a sermon out there that talks about being single and choosing to stay celibate yet what are practical things to do when the celibate single christian gets horny. Admit it...we ALL know it happens to us. Maybe to some more than others...but it does happen!

I've chosen to live celibate for about 9 years now... and I would be lying to you if I told you I've never thought about sex in those 9 years. I would be lying to you as well if I say its something I don't miss sometimes. I think its the ONLY time I'm like "God having a husband doesn't sound too bad right now...LOL"). Look, obviously I aint a virgin coz i have a kid, so i know how sex feels like. And to those of us that have been there, we gotta admit it, sex feels good.God designed it that way for a husband and a wife to take pleasure in because its His gift for married people.

But what about the single people who have made the choice to stay celibate and wait till God brings a mate along? What the heck do you do when the desire in you is strong??? (Puh-leaaaase don't pretend like that ain't ever happened to you.) Im sure even virgins struggle with this.

Coz the urge is a desire that comes naturally in our body... but it doesnt mean that because something is itchy, it has to be scratched right?

So...what does a single celibate christian do during those times? Does taking a cold shower work? Does praying work? Or maybe its better to pretend like you dont feel anything and go on with whatever you are doing? Do you call someone and tell them to pray for you against lustful thoughts? Do you actually think masturbation is okay? Do you read the Word out loud to drive lustful thoughts away?

Personally...what works for me....well....I stuff my face with sweets or food and that USUALLY does the trick LOL!!! But if its a really bad day, I call my girl friends or ask my son to hang out outside of the house.. coz i don't trust myself for me to stay at home by myself. Im just being real.

I ask because I feel like its not addressed much in most churches and yet its a real issue each single person has to face. I know most people aren't comfortable talking about the issue...but I wanna know people's thoughts on this subject. And if you're married:what's your best advice for the celibate Christian singles who are waiting and have been waiting for years?!?!?!

Inquiring minds want to know :)

Countdown: 29 days to Hawaii.

2011-07-13T23:47:00.000-07:00

Today wasnt as emotional as yesterday. I think I was uber-emo yesterday coz I had to pay a traffic ticket for $500 and budgeting my really tight finances right now had me stressed out.

But today I had some proper perspective thrown over my way. I had met up and had lunch with a really close friend of mine who just came back from the UAE. She is visiting here for the summer but has to go back to the middle east next month.

During our lunch convo, she told me about how extremely different the culture there can get... and how there's certain luxuries here that they don't have there... and our conversation got me thinking of how incredibly lucky I am that God had called me to be a missionary out in paradise instead nations who are dealing with extreme poverty problems or nations that are closed to the gospel.

So day 29 ends with a good vibe :) plus it's also my baby sister's thirtieth birthday tomorrow.. so my heart is happy because of that!

Countdown: 30 days to Hawaii (my erratic thoughts on moving)

2011-07-12T00:18:00.000-07:00

Countdown begins - 30days till Hawaii. ONE MORE MONTH! Yiiiiikes!

My emotions are all over the place with this move. One minute im happy... the next im anxious. So i apologize before hand for the erratic emotions you will experience in my blog this next month!!!

My thoughts right now: why does moving have to be soooooo expensive?!?!?! And why does leaving relationships (family, frienda & church family) have to be so hard?!?! And why does moving to hawaii have to be so HELLA EXPENSIVE! (Oh wait I said that already)

Sometimes I stop and i ask myself "what the heck am I getting into? Why am I moving so far away again??" If this was a marriage then I swear I'm probably getting cold feet.... coz now when I think of how far I'm going and the fact that there's really no turning back now.... I get all choked up. I swear I have commitment issues. THIS IS WHY I AM SINGLE YA'LL. the thought of being tied down scares me. And that's exactly what is going to happen....I am going to be on a rock in the middle of the Pacific ocean.... married to the land and there is no turning back (until God says so anyway).

I know I shouldn't whine coz He is calling me to paradise in america and not some communist country or something. and I know I'm supposed to leave. There is no shadow of a doubt that I know I'm supposed to be in Hawaii... and that Im supposed to be part of the church that I am part of... and I am thankful for the spiritual family that I have there already.... but it doesn't make the process of leaving any easier... coz it is hard to leave loved ones behind no matter where you end up going.

I just need to woooosaaaah... breathe and selah it out. I have no idea what these next 30days will look like in regard to my emotions so good luck to me and to you who are taking the time to read this. It's gonna be a crazy ride!

To all you missionaries, overseas workers, military peeps and everyone else who has left your home / family to pursue your dream or have left loved ones to obey God's call...BIG Kudos to you. *hug*

underneath the golden gate.

2011-07-10T23:39:00.000-07:00

took this shot as our boat passed the golden gate.
we had a nice lil' tour around the coastline of the bay area.

slipping and bugging.

2011-07-07T22:07:00.001-07:00

Kids slip and sliding to beat the Fresno heat coz its hecka hot up in this mug.... while we made some bug bites cookies :) having fun with my relatives!!!

In sickness and in health.

2011-07-04T06:10:00.001-07:00

I have a couple of friends who have been praying and believing for God to heal them. I could tell that their hearts were getting a bit discouraged because they weren't seeing instantaneous healing happen in their lives. (And these women are some of the strongest prayer warriors I know). They are dear friends of mine, and my heart was troubled for them. I went home asking God why He wasn't choosing to heal them right away like He did in the Gospels.

As I spent time on the Word, I came across this verse that had my heart pondering: "You know it was because of a bodily ailment that I preached the gospel to you at first" [gal4:13].

Wow. Imagine that... Paul, the greatest missionary who ever lived. the one who's mere presence would drive out demons in one command. if a piece of cloth touched him, that cloth could heal others who were sick. The one who was bitten by a poisonous snake and lived to tell about it... the mr super incredible apostle himself... had a body ailment....and he didn't receive instantaneous healing. Talk about the irony of it all.

Instead of receiving healing... his ailment had caused him to pause on his trip and preach at Galatia. His sickness caused him to spread the good news even more.

Talk about divine appointment...even when it looks like it's not. Others could have chosen to see the ailment as a curse. He chose to see it as an open door to preach Christ, despite the ailment and the non-instantaneous healing.

Whether in sickness and in health, this man was on fire and determined to preach God's Word.

This verse reminded me of a blog/twitter acquaintance turned real life friend sara [http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com] who has been believing for healing for a really long time. Sara has touched so many lives because of the tenacity of her faith and her love for Jesus, despite the ailment she faces everyday. She's like a modern day Paul, writing epistles on the world wide web while sharing God's love, even with the sickness that she has. Her faith amazes me so. The strength she has to fight her daily battles has caused others to see God in a greater way and people's faith are strengthened because she chooses to praise God no matter how much it hurts her (literally and figuratively).

Paul and Sara's example gave me a proper perspective in regard to my friends & family who are believing for God to heal them (I have a sister who's been praying for a skin condition to be healed for 4yrs now).... sometimes God chooses to heal right away... sometimes God chooses not to, and instead allows the stories of our pain to be told and shared to bring others to the knowledge of Christ. The result of pain is salvation of souls.

The question that we have to face is... will we choose to be like Paul and keep preaching or will we choose to see the mountain of trials and lose faith?

As His Bride, we must choose to fulfill our vow to love and to cherish Him, in sickness and in health, though rich or poor till death brings us together, where we can rest forever in His arms. It is a beautiful thing to be wed to Jesus.

"choose joy" - Sara :)

do you smeeeeeeeeell what the ROCK is cookin'???

2011-06-30T11:12:00.000-07:00

busy. busy. busy.

there is no other word that captures my life right now. i basically have about 6 weeks left to continue to meet with potential ministry supporters, pack, finish whatever else i need to do and end my season in LA beautifully before i move to hawaii and start a new chapter of my life there.

but i dont wanna let the busyness of all these activities deter me from this grace-filled season of my life. instead i am taking the time to smell grace, coz God is cooking something up and it smells some kinda wonderful.

everywhere i turn, i take the time smell God's grace. the grace of provision. the grace of relationships. the grace of joy. the grace of health. the grace of peace. the grace of His presence. the grace of His love.

but it didn't used to smell that way. you see for years, my story has always been about chopping and pruning and slicing and dicing. onions when chopped alone, have enough potency to sting your eyes and make you cry. garlic smells terrible by itself, and sometimes the smell is so pungent, it makes you not wanna talk to a person who has garlic breath. i hate tomatoes and vegetables. and meat... if not cut and cooked properly...will make people sick! these ingredients, apart from each other, are usually NASTY and GROSS. but when put together, and cooked up in fire, they smell sooooooooooooooooo very good.

right now i can say im glad (and even very thankful) for the season of pruning and disciplining in my life. im thankful for the fire that God had brought me through...coz it's the same fire that pained me that's now causing those ingredients to bring out some FLAVOR! even though it hurt so much while i was going through the wilderness process, i can say (in hindsight), i see it now as a beautiful place that God had allowed me to go through in order to grow in His love and His grace.

in the midst of the hustle and bustle of life, im taking time to smell God's grace....coz whatever God is cooking up.... it sho smells delish and it's making me HUNGRY for more of Him.

dont let the busyness of life take you away from His miraculous grace. take time out and breathe. do you smeeeeeeeeeeeell what the ROCK is cookin' up for your life????

If u could have coffee with...

2011-06-29T09:04:00.001-07:00

If you could have coffee conversation with any person alive right now and interview them.... who would you choose and why?

My answer: the pastor of the biggest underground church in China. (One underground church = hundreds of thousands of people and raising up disciples that are willing to die for the Gospel to be preached).

Imagine being able to bear THAT MUCH FRUIT for Christ and remaining so humble about it because you can't get any glory or spotlight coz if you do, you will get killed. Imagine having to have to memorize Scriptures in their head since they can't go around holding a Bible. Imagine every time they preach and hold a meeting... the adrenaline rush they get because they have no idea if they are going to get caught or not.

Imagine the wisdom and knowledge that he could impart to our generation and the next generation about faith and perserverance and not being afraid and not wanting the spotlight and the "name", but instead, be willing to work together and trust each and everyone else in the body for the life of each other and everyone in the church. Imagine having a heart to launch other leaders because you know you cannot do everything buy yourself and you need to multiply at a rapid rate because of the urgency of the matter of spreading the Gospel in fear of losing people's lives.

Imagine.... The wisdom i could glean and the impartation of boldness iwould get a glimpse of from one simple coffee conversation.

If that pastor wasn't available I would totally choose to have a coffee conversation with Adam Sandler LOL! (and my other top 5 choices: Oprah, Mandela, Bono)

If you could interview anyone right now (even your top 5).... who would you choose?

im not mean.

2011-06-25T09:40:00.000-07:00

Walking on rainbows and dreams.

2011-06-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

Choose to live out your dreams and your path will be full of colored surprises :)

no quitter.

2011-06-20T15:51:00.001-07:00

Amen. :)

Crying while getting your hair did.

2011-06-17T14:06:00.000-07:00

So my sister went to e doctor today and had an ultrasound done... And her and her husband found out what the sex of the baby was....

Im sitting here at the salon getting my hair did when I receive a text and she tells me If I'm having a niece or a nephew....

I read the text....tell my friend (who is practically like family to us co she's my other baby sisters best friend) and then I start CRYING!!!

It was tears of joy at first then I got all sad.... Coz I realized that I'm totally gonna be gone and I won't be here to watch my baby grow up!!!! I'm gonna miss the baby's first tooth, the first smile, the first step. Aaaaaack I feel like a wreck already. This is soooooooooo hard for me coz me and my sister are super duper close... Like that's not just lip service.... She is my best friend.... And she was there when Christian (my son) was growing up... So to miss seeing her baby grow is ripping my heart into pieces.

For the first time since I made the decision to move to Hawaii last April, I let my emotions go... And I'm so thankful berenz was there to pacify my heart.... She made me a great cup of latte too so that helped!

I'm glad I'm getting my hair done right now coz if not then I would be this big ball of emotional mess..... ladies and gentlemen.... check out my nephew....he is ALL BOY!

soul food: slippin'.

2011-06-15T15:07:00.000-07:00

"when i said my foot is slipping, your love O Lord supported me. when anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul" [psalm 94:18]

this scripture pretty much speaks for itself. i love how faithful God is, even when i slip or fall. when i disobey or become stubborn, His grace is there to meet me. His love for me goes beyond measure and it holds and supports me through good times and especially through hard times.

when anxiety and worry and troubles rise up and paralyze my heart to have faith, His consolation and His Spirit brings joy to my soul. it's a joy that doesn't rely on circumstances and answered prayers. instead it's a joy that is based in the supernatural knowledge of my Father and how much He loves me.

His love is the reason why i choose to live. His love is what compels me to reach for His dream for me. His love is the reason why i tell others about Him. His love is the reason why i sing. whether it's in the spring season where everything is beautiful and life is everywhere; or in the winter season, where life is dark and buried and everything i see is covered with the coldness of snow.... songs of His glory will flow from my heart to my King, because His love keeps me from slippin'...and He sets me on a Rock instead

makes me wanna stay. [blog poll]

2011-06-14T23:51:00.001-07:00

The one person who makes me want to stay in LA so bad...

The one person who makes me ask God 'why do i have move 2000+ miles away from home'...

The one person that im REALLY going to miss...

Is the one person I haven't even met yet.... But I already love him/her so very much. Siiiiigh.

Before i get too sentimental, let's make this fun and take a blog poll!!! What do you think?!?! Am I gonna have a nephew or a niece? :) team boy or team girl? :) go.....

Soul food: for nothing, in everything.

2011-06-11T19:49:00.001-07:00

"Be anxious for NOTHING, but in EVERYTHING by prayer with Thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God & His peace will guard your hearts & minds through Christ" - Philippians 4:6-7

I know we're all familiar with this verse - Be anxious for NOTHING. It didnt say almost nothing... it says NOTHING.

not for finances.
not for health.
not for our loved ones.
not for our past.
not for our dreams.
not for our church.
not for our appearance.

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

You gotta admit tho.. this command is hard to follow. I think i break this command about a bajillion times a day... I'm like "God, this is hard to ask.... you seem to have designed the human brain to think and worry" LOL! How the heck do you turn off 'worry mode'!?!

After reading this verse...i realize the key to not being anxious for nothing is to turn my thoughts into prayers... and not just any kind of prayer.. but a prayer of thanksgiving for EVERYTHING. The only way to battle worry is to have a grateful and thankful heart. Coz the reality is.... as long as we have breath, there's always something to be thankful for.... it doesn't matter what we're all going through.

My prayer: God I pray everytime the enemy and circumstances hurl situations at me that might cause me to worry... I pray that I may be quick to fight back with a praise in my mouth. I pray that song of praise instead of clanging sounds of unbelief will be heard from me. Help me Holy Spirit, to recall God's faithfulness in the past when tough times come across. Please let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you my King. Amen.

doing it scared.

2011-06-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

so... i officially booked my flight.

let me tell you, i suddenly became scared s**tless after the confirmation email was sent to me. lol okay...maybe because im officially a "missionary" now, i shouldn't say that word, but seriously, there is no other way i can best describe how i feel.

i am so scared. [or skuuuurrrred as i like to say it]

i am moving 2000+ miles away from home.. leaving my family and my friends... to move in the middle of the pacific ocean. im moving to obey and follow God to be a missionary to the islands and be a part of a new family out there. [im glad God has provided a family out there already for me coz i probably wouldn't go if that wasn't the case.]

it's soooo scary. what if i don't raise enough support? what if i suck at being a missionary? what if there's a tsunami? what if something happens to my loved ones and im so far away? what if the church out there gets to know me and then hates me? what if i fail and im not called to be a pastor after all? what if my son hates it there and hates me for making this decision?

what if... what if... what if...

there's a lot of "what ifs..." swirling through my brain right now... but i cannot let those "what if's" stop me from obeying what i know God has spoken in my heart and called me to do... coz it's either i obey, or i end up being like Jonah. and i fo sho' dont wanna get eaten by a whale...or worst...jaws.

my one word for this year is BELIEVE. and im choosing to believe that God's got my back, even with the "what if's"...i need to believe that no matter what happens, God is going to take care of every detail. i need to believe that ultimately, provision comes from Him and no one else. i need to believe that His grace is sufficient for all things and in all things.

im clueless...coz i have no idea what the future holds for me there.. but i know that He has called and i must obey... so even if i'm terrified...i choose to do it scared... i booked my ticket and this august i'm stepping out of the boat (well the plane) and walking into the waters of my promise land. and i know i'll be walking (or teaching or swimming or preaching or surfing) hand in hand with my Maker every step of the way.

“Don’t be afraid; just believe.” - Mark 5:36

it is well with my soul.

2011-06-04T23:19:00.001-07:00

Food for my heart: hanging out with girl friends the whole day.

Food for my soul: bringing friends to receive encouragement and exhortation at Pasadena international house of prayer.

Soul for my food: Roscoe's chicken and waffle.

It is well with my soul.

soul food: share life.

2011-06-04T10:53:00.001-07:00

"Exhort one another daily, while it is called today" Hebrews 3:14

I love receiving encouragement!! Who doesn't right?!?!? Words of love and affirmation make my heart happy and give me hope when times are hard. Sometimes life is rough and though I get encouraged reading my Bible, it helps a lot when a fellow human being says soothing words that touch my heart. If we had our way, we would love to receive an encouraging word at least once daily.

So i thought...why not twist that need around and give encouragement to others instead. Instead of needing, i wanted to be giving. I desired to be that voice of love and hope to others. The Bible says encourage one another daily so i try to find one person a day to exhort. And its never failed, when i do that, i find that i am encouraged as well since im using my life to help make other people's lives better. Everytime I need encouragement, I go and encourage someone else and every time, I'm left with more hope and joy, not just for the other person but also for myself after the conversation.

What you sow, you reap... right?!?!

My prayer today is that God continues to use me to encourage people on a daily basis. This world is too full of negative people and circumstances already. I would rather choose to be the person that speaks life and love and joy into people's hearts. If I do, God is faithful to bring in ways to encourage me as well.

My prayer for you is that you choose to share life and be that source of hope for someone else today as well. Go put a smile on someone else's face today. If you do, I promise you, you'll end up with a smile on your face and a happy heart too :)

daily soul food: do nothing.

2011-06-02T09:31:00.001-07:00

John 15:5 "apart from me you can do NOTHING"

I woke up today with this verse in mind. I find myself starting almost all day rushing towards the hustle and bustle of life without spending ample time with Jesus and asking Him for His will to be done in my life and for the world.

This verse puts my mind back in perspective. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life, I lose focus. Instead of Jesus, my life becomes about me. I have the whole day planned.... and I just expect God to come and bless...

My plans.
My dreams.
My schedule.
My problems.
My finances.

I forget that it's really not about me and what i want. It's all about Him. Withouth Him, I can do nothing. Without Him, I am nothing.

I pray john's prayer over myself today and every day.... i pray that i may decrease that He may increase in my life. I pray that I always remember to make it all about Jesus. God forbid, i fall into the enticement of the spotlight syndrome, or the cares and worries of the world tie me down and i forget that apart from Him, all those things I've done are nothing.

But if i am soaked in His grace and His Spirit, He will be able to do all things through me. I must remember, im just a vessel. Without the Potter, clay is worthless.